DaCapt

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5... Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 18 . Procrastinate Now! 19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Nut-N-Honey

Any sheet metal shop worth its salt will have a break, give em a shout.

Zoom,Zoom,Zoom!! very nice indeed!!

Only great minds can read this This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it

Very good!!

I'm starting to worry about you halo!!

As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical world and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and more women as our Physicians, and in this case a new Urologist for me. My family Doctor just recently referred me to a "just out of medical school" female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous... as well as unbelievably sexy. She told me that I must stop masturbating. I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you......."

The Value of a Drink 'Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.' ~ Jack Handy WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.' ~Frank Sinatra WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' ~ Henny Youngman WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ '24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.' ~ Stephen Wright WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!' ~ Brian O'Rourke WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' ~ Benjamin Franklin WARNING : The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' ~ Dave Barry WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~ Dave Howell WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went : 'Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.' WARNING : The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: 'MOUNT & DO'. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely NO recollection of what to do with them.

Way too much info!!!

Hiya Morgan, glad you stopped in. These guys are great, a real nice group of players. They cater to us old guys, feels like the old WGC group. I have been kinda busy lately with real life stuff, but I'll be on more soon. So kick off your shoes and open a cold one and have a great time. DaCapt

Your doing a great job!! Many years ago a friend and I built a VW dunebuggy. We wanted more power so we used a Corvair engine (6 cylinder). We bought a engine adaptor for the VW transaxle and it worked great. Only problem we didn't know you had to flop the ring and pinion. So when we got it running we had 6 reverse gears and 1 forward, LOL!! We finally got it right and it ran real well. Keep up the great work DaCapt

Hi all, sorry I haven't been around much lately, life has just been crazy here at the home front. One of my neighbor friends passed away from a sudden heart attack, last tues. and the wife and I are helping his wife with things. My daughter and her family were here last friday thru sunday, with the grandchildren ages 1 and 5 years and snowing outside things were very busy inside the house. ( I hid upstairs alot, lol) On top of that it was my wifes birthday, so I had to be nice and make sure she had a good time. Plus my snow blower decided to stop running (fixed now) and helped another neighbor install a satelite tv system. Other than that all is fine here, and I hope to be back soon. I hope this finds you all in good health and humor. DaCapt

I tried the 3D eyeglasses from EDemensional a few years ago. They were strange and couldn't used to them.There probably better now.

Thanks for the insight

Bummer if the guy on top has gas!!

That was cool. Gotta admit he did a great job!!

WEDDINGS When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of the aunts and the grand motherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'... They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Subject: Engineers Ray & Bubba, a pair of Arkansas mechanical engineers, were standing at the base of a flagpole looking up. A woman passing by asked what they were doing. '"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, measured, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away. Ray shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a woman! We're lookin' for the height and she gives us the length!"

PLEASE PASS THIS INFORMATION ON THE RECENT TRAGEDY OF A YOUNG WOMAN BEING KIDNAPPED AND EVENTUALLY KILLED; AFTER SHE HAD REPEATEDLY GIVEN THE KIDNAPPER A WRONG PIN TO HER ATM CARD. IF SHE KNEW THE METHOD BELOW, SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED. SO I THINK IT IS IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO LET YOU KNOW. IF YOU SHOULD EVER BE FORCED BY A ROBBER TO WITHDRAW MONEY FROM AN ATM MACHINE, YOU CAN NOTIFY THE POLICE BY ENTERING YOUR PIN # IN REVERSE. FOR EXAMPLE IF YOUR PIN NUMBER IS 1234 THEN YOU WOULD PUT IN 4321. THE ATM RECOGNIZES THAT YOUR PIN NUMBER IS BACKWARDS FROM THE ATM CARD YOU PLACED IN THE MACHINE. THE MACHINE WILL STILL GIVE YOU THE MONEY YOU REQUESTED, BUT UNKNOWN TO THE ROBBER, THE POLICE WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DISPATCHED TO HELP YOU. THIS INFORMATION WAS RECENTLY BROADCASTED ON FOX TV AND IT STATES THAT IT IS SELDOM USED BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IT EXISTS. PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG. You can go on snopes to verify.

Insects? Wow thats what you call a real "Bug" Welcome back

LOL? This is cool. When you know you are the ?Big Dog? on the block, you can get away this attitude! J I love this!.. I thought some of you would especially appreciate this one! In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination. I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along. The conversation went something like this... " Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.' Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.' Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!' Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!' Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

Have a very merry Birthday