Modern Day Nursery Rhymes - Rudey!

[Kiwi~SPARTA~]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

The structure of the wall was incorrect

So he won 10 grand with Claims Direct.

 

It's Raining, It's Pouring.

Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

 

Jack and Jill went into town

To fetch some chips and sweeties.

He can't keep his heart rate down

And she's got diabetes.

 

Mary had a little skirt

with splits right up the sides

and everywhere that Mary went

the boys could see her thighs.

Mary had another skirt

'twas split right up the front

But she didn't wear that one very often.

 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the pie man

'What have u got there? '

Said the pie man unto Simon

'Pies you dickhead.'

 

Mary had a little lamb

it ran into a pylon.

10,000 volts went up its arse

and turned its wool to nylon.

 

Jack and Jill

went up the hill

to have a little fun.

Jill, the dill,

forgot her pill,

and now they have a son.

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

And planned to do some kissing.

Jack made a pass

and grabbed her ass

Now two of his teeth are missing.

 

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white and wispy.

Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease

And now it's black and crispy.

 

hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle,

all over the kitchen floor,

the little dog laughed to see such fun,

so the cat did a little bit more....

 

hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle,

all over the kitchen mat,

the little dog laughed to see such fun,

then piddled all over the cat..

 

Mary had a dirty minge

her pubes were dark as charcoal

so all the boys went round the back

and took her up her arsehole

 

[Krambo]

quality. thanks kiwi.

[adder360~SPARTA~]

lol jokes