DaCapt

This is a MUST SEE driving video. Unless you have youngsters who are about to or have recently obtained their licenses. Hold on & turn up the audio. The rest of us can show this at our AARP Senior Driving Course http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=4TshFWSsrn8&vq=medium

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds ! flat. You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $9.50 for a six-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 24 relatives on 24th December in 24 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

Jesus knows your here...... A Burgler broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ?Jesus knows you?re here.? He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard ?Jesus is watching you.? Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?? he hissed at the parrot. ?Yep?, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ?I?m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.? The burglar relaxed. ?Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?? ?Moses,? replied the bird. ?Moses?? the burglar laughed. ?What kind of people would name a bird Moses?? ?The kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.?

An old country farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot. At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So, after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men. The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement." "And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

Try this http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=d7a_1292014770

Very strange!! www.liveleak.com/mp53/player.swf?config=http://www.liveleak.com/mp53/player_config.php?token=d7a_1292014770%26embed=1

Cool stuff!! http://www.o-hg.net/

Thought you might like this. http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/11/24/armys-revolutionary-rifle-use-afghanistan/ http://video.foxnews.com/v/4438880/xm-25-rifle-in-action/

This is some bad ass shiat!!! Will keep you entertained for hours. http://www.japanesebugfights.com/30.htm

http://www.foxnews.com/slideshow/entertainment/2010/10/21/frisky-fashion-sexy-halloween-costumes/?test=faces#slide=12 Saw this and said "what the heck"!! She is pretty

Subject: Fw: Where did the words "Piss Poor" come from > For what it is worth: > > Where did Piss Poor come from? > > > Interesting History > > > They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families > used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & > Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive > you were "Piss Poor" > > But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't > even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to > piss in" & were the lowest of the low > > The next time you are washing your hands and complain > because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, > think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about > the 1500s: > > Most people got married in June because they took their > yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by > June.. However, since they were starting to smell . ..... . > Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. > Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting > Married. > > Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man > of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then > all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the > children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so > dirty you could actually lose someone in it.. Hence the > saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!" > > Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no > wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get > warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) > lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and > sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... > Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." > > There was nothing to stop things from falling into the > house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and > other > droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, > > > > > a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top > afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into > existence. > > The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other > than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had > slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, > so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their > footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, > > > > > when you opened the door, it would all start slipping > outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. > Hence: a thresh hold. > > (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) > > In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big > kettle that always hung over the fire.. Every day they lit > the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly > vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the > stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold > overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew > had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence > the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas > porridge in the pot nine days old. Sometimes they could > obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When > visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show > off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home > the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests > and would all sit around and chew the fat. > > Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high > acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, > causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with > tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were > considered poisonous. > > Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt > bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests > got the top, or the upper crust. > > Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination > would Sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. > Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and > prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen > table for a couple of days and the family would gather > around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake > up. Hence the custom of holding a wake. > > England is old and small and the local folks started running > out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins > and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the > grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins > were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they > realized they had been burying people alive... So they would > tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the > coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. > Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night > (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus,someone > could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer. > > And that's the truth....Now, whoever said History was boring!!! > > So...get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these > facts with a friend.

Ah another Libra!! That expalins it!! LOL!! Happy Belated Birthday Mate!!

Happy Birthday!!

THANKS ALL 62 YEARS YOUNG AND GOING STRONG!!

Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases. "When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine" "Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!" "Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume" "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything." " U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club." " U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah" "Stop Global Whining" Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don't Testify. "The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight" "Death Smiles At Everyone - Marines Smile Back" "What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil" "Marines - Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775" "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It" "Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon" "It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden - It's a Marine's Job To Arrange The Meeting" "Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl" "One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support " "My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College" "A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers"

THE FINAL INSPECTION The Soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass.. 'Step forward now,Soldier , How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?' The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 'No, Lord, I guess I ain't. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills got just too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear.. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the Soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. 'Step forward now, you Soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell.' Author Unknown~

Very nice pictures... what camera are you using?

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the still shaking driver said, "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault today is my very first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for 25 years

JUST > MOVE YOUR MOUSE AROUND ~ IT IS AMAZING Here is a great picture of Mt. St. Helens in 360 > degree's.The mountains you see in the back ground are Mt. Rainier >and Mt. Adams, and if you rotate further you can see >Mt. Hood in the distance... http://www.fullscreen360.com/st-helens.htm

Goldberg Brothers: The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order." The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini." After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS ." The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat. After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?" "Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone." And THAT, my friends, is what is called, "Putting Your Affairs In Order." THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected. -- Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly? on a broomstick. We?re flexible like that.

Happy Birthday buddy

Subject: Fwd: The Italian Secret to a Long Marriage: At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Chicago, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, I spenda da money on her, but the besta thing I did wasa, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!' The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?' Giuseppe proudly replied, " Wella, I guess I gonna go backa to Italy to pick her up."

Subject: Darwin Awards I hope you get a few chuckles! Darwin Awards are out!!! Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?] 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. *** Remember.... They walk among us!!!***