DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

[DaCapt]

Subject: DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS

 

 

 

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and

 

family values.

 

Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

 

Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

 

 

 

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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my

 

intelligence come from?'

 

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your

mother,

 

cause I still have mine..'

 

 

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'Mr.. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court

 

Judge said, I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

 

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and

 

then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

 

 

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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room,

 

took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife

 

at all.'

 

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

 

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

 

 

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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has

 

been living with for the last 40 years.

 

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words

 

that were used to put the curse on you.'

 

The old man says without hesitation,

 

 

I now pronounce you man and wife.'

 

 

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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

 

1. The DNA all matches..

 

2. There are no dental records.

 

 

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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll

 

take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'

 

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'

 

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up..

 

 

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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

 

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

 

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

 

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

 

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

 

 

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Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'

 

Joe: 'Really?'

 

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'

 

 

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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and

 

asks him how he is feeling.

 

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in

 

surgery,' he answered.

 

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

 

'Oops!'

 

 

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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display

 

of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since

 

I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's

 

advice.

 

'What do you think?'

 

I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

 

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

 

He's still in intensive care.

 

 

.....................................................................

 

 

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive

 

clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied

 

by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

 

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's

 

there.'

[MedicSN6]

HA. Some good ones.

[Durka-Durka~SPARTA~]

Yep, I'll be using some of those on the wife tonight. Anybody got a spare couch I can sleep on?

[MedicSN6]

Yep, I'll be using some of those on the wife tonight. Anybody got a spare couch I can sleep on?

 

You're always welcome to crash here.

[peter~SPARTA~]

new don't ask don't tell?

[Forrester~SPARTA~]

lolz

[Pringle~SPARTA~]

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my

 

intelligence come from?'

 

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your

mother,

 

cause I still have mine..'

 

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:

 

1. The DNA all matches..

 

2. There are no dental records.

although I take offense to the second one...

Edited May 2, 2010 by Tyler~SPARTA~