Forrester~SPARTA~ Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 What's the difference between a man and a pig? A pig doesn't become a man after a few drinks.... --------------------------------------------------------------- What happens when a chelsea fan swallows a fly? More brains in the stomach than in the head.... --------------------------------------------------------------- What do you do when the world goes up in flames? Go to Iran they are at least 20 years back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicSN6 Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Did you hear about the house the two lesbians built? There were no studs; it was all tongue-and-groove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GySgt~SPARTA~ Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 Teacher Asked Tommy, why is your cat in school today? Tommy <crying> I heard Daddy tell Mommy, "I'm gonna eat that Pussy when the Kid Leaves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GySgt~SPARTA~ Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom ontop of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. she dresses quickly and goes to find him.. the son see's his mom and asks, "what were you and Dad doing?' The mother replies, 'Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get ontop of it and help it flatten it..' Your wasting your time said the boy,' Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled. 'Well when you go shopping the lady nextdoor comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right .'backup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 In a group of women, how do you know which one is the 'tough chick'? She is the one who rolls her own tampons and kickstarts her vibrator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Athlon64~SPARTA~ Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay.. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. 0A Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand,with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk,and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can' t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' Don't Mess with Old People! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrewman~SPARTA~ Posted August 10, 2009 Share Posted August 10, 2009 Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care... one has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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