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What's the difference between a sperm and a lawyer?

 

 

The sperm has a one-in-a-million chance of becoming human.

 

:lol:

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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided them their food.

 

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

 

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."

 

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said. "I think you're hallucinating and you've finally lost your mind."

 

But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blond woman, face up and totally unconscious.

 

The two lawyers went over to her, dragged her up on the beach, and discovered, yes, she was alive.

 

One said the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long time. Do you think we should, ......you know, ... screw her?"

 

The second lawyer, asked, "Out of What?"

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A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

 

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

 

"Three dollars an ounce."

 

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

 

"Four dollars an ounce."

 

"How much for lawyer brain?"

 

"$1,000 an ounce."

 

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

 

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

 

One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

***

 

What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?

 

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

***

 

Have you heard about the lawyers? word processor?

 

No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

***

 

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

 

His lips are moving.

***

 

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

 

Shoot the lawyer twice.

***

 

What's the definition of mixed emotions?

 

Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

***

 

SHALL WE CONTINUE????? okay...

 

How many lawyer jokes are there?

 

Just two, all the rest are true.

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