Kiwi~SPARTA~ Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losingmoney at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE- PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durka-Durka~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa LoL, sure that wasn't KRAM that sent that letter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
custard~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Anyone heard of Kevin Bloody Wilson, he's done a santa song, I will see if I can find an online version to link. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 Yeah, he's brilliant. Santa Claus you f***king c***t where's me f***king bike. Hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krambo Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 no its roy chubby brown hey f***cking santa claus wheres me f****ng bike ive opened all me b***ard presents and theres f*** all here I like i wrote u a f***ing letter, put the address on it twice u fat geriatric c*** wheres me f****ng bike Kiwi that was awesome by the way, nice find. n1 Durka, I just write in txt language im sorry, its just with all the non-work related emails I send whilst im here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durka-Durka~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 hehe i know kram, I was just poking a little fun, no harm taken I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Author Share Posted September 18, 2007 no its roy chubby brown hey f***cking santa claus wheres me f****ng bike ive opened all me b***ard presents and theres f*** all here I like i wrote u a f***ing letter, put the address on it twice u fat geriatric c*** wheres me f****ng bike Kiwi that was awesome by the way, nice find. n1 Durka, I just write in txt language im sorry, its just with all the non-work related emails I send whilst im here. I wasn't far off. ;) Hey Santa claus you c**t! Where's me f***ing bike? I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like. I wrote you a f***ing letter and I come to see you twice Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me f***ing bike. If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked. And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse! You've stuffed me bloody order up It's enough to make you spew And I'm not the only one who's snakey Me sisters dirty too! Hey santa clause you c**t! Where's me f***ing pram? You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am. 'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand I'll give you f***ing ho ho ho You forgot me f***ing pram Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts And I'll let your f***ing reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts! You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door And we'll say, yeah you wait for it Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells f***ing lies He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright 'Cause the old f***ing w*nker Forgot me f***ing bike. You wait you old c**t, I'm gonna dob you in Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your f***ing lights out "I saw mummy sucking santa clause" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
custard~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 poetry he has a song about canada as well know that one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krambo Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 il sort my version later lol. No Durka course not mate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUTILATER Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Ya can't say C*** in Canada ..... I have about 15 KBW albums if anyone is interested leme know ...... Mutilater ..... Fucking Legend ! LMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
custard~SPARTA~ Posted September 18, 2007 Share Posted September 18, 2007 Ya can't say C*** in Canada ..... I have about 15 KBW albums if anyone is interested leme know ...... Mutilater ..... Fucking Legend ! LMFAO I know it's wrong but listening to his stuff makes me laff so hard I start crying and my sides hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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