Jump to content
Spartans Home

Kiwi~SPARTA~

4-Game Moderators
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,480

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by Kiwi~SPARTA~

    Games Now & Later

    in General Game Talk

    Posted

    is F.E.A.R any good?

     

    I think so. It's alot of fun & i end up using the same language you used to use. IPB Image

    Get yourself to a Gamestation, they're selling it in the 2 for £15 section.

    Let me know if you get it cos COOP is a lot of fun.IPB Image

    What if Santa answered his letters truthfully?

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    no its roy chubby brown

     

    hey f***cking santa claus wheres me f****ng bike

    ive opened all me b***ard presents and theres f*** all here I like

    i wrote u a f***ing letter, put the address on it twice

    u fat geriatric c*** wheres me f****ng bike

     

    :)

     

    Kiwi that was awesome by the way, nice find.

     

    n1 Durka, I just write in txt language im sorry, its just with all the non-work related emails I send whilst im here.

     

    I wasn't far off. ;)

     

    Hey Santa claus you c**t!

     

    Where's me f***ing bike?

     

    I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

     

    I wrote you a f***ing letter and I come to see you twice

     

    Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me f***ing bike.

     

    If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

     

    And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

     

    You've stuffed me bloody order up

     

    It's enough to make you spew

     

    And I'm not the only one who's snakey

     

    Me sisters dirty too!

     

    Hey santa clause you c**t!

     

    Where's me f***ing pram?

     

    You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

     

    'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

     

    I'll give you f***ing ho ho ho

     

    You forgot me f***ing pram

     

    Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

     

    And I'll let your f***ing reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

     

    You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

     

    And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

     

    And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

     

    Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

     

    And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells f***ing lies

     

    He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

     

    'Cause the old f***ing w*nker Forgot me f***ing bike.

     

    You wait you old c**t, I'm gonna dob you in

     

    Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your f***ing lights out

     

    "I saw mummy sucking santa clause"

    What if Santa answered his letters truthfully?

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    Dear Santa

    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer

    yer Frend, BiLLy

     

    Dear Billy,

    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about

    I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm

    giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

    Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is

    peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

     

    Dear Sarah,

    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my

    mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love,

    Teddy

     

    Dear Teddy,

    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a

    hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your

    frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that

    dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for

    your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

     

    Dear Susan,

    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when

    riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of

    scotch. Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making

    toys? Your friend, Thomas

     

    Dear Thomas,

    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend

    most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking

    myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while

    losingmoney at the craps table.

    Hey, you wanted to know. Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're

    awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

     

    Dear Jessica,

    Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in

    whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa

     

    Dear Santa,

    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE-

    PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

     

    Timmy,

    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap

    doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa

     

    Dearest Santa,

    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

    Love, Marky

     

    Mark,

    First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your

    ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a

    low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the

    boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa

    The Lone Rangers last wish

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"

     

    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blond woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blond enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

     

    "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"

     

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, even more attractive than the blond. She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.

     

    "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request?"

     

    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent. Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eyes and says, "Listen carefully, for the last time... BRING POSSE!"

    Marriage?

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    A man and a woman are on their honeymoon when the man takes off his pants and throws to the woman. He tells her to put them on, and she responds "I can't wear these!"

    He replies, "That's right! You just remember who wears the pants in this relationship!"

    She just smiles and takes off her panties, tossing them to him. "Put these on," she says.

    He looks at them and says "I can't begin to get into these!"

    She answers "That's exactly right, and that's the way it's going to stay until you change your friggin attitude!!"

    Marriage?

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    What Every Man Expects in a Wife:

     

    * She will always be beautiful and cheerful.

    * She could marry a movie star, but wants only you.

    * She will have hair that never needs curlers or beauty shops.

    * Her beauty won't run in a rainstorm.

    * She will never be sick--just allergic to jewelry and fur coats.

    * She will insist that moving the furniture by herself, it's good for her figure.

    * She will be an expert in cooking, cleaning house, fixing the car or TV, painting the house, and keeping quiet.

    * Her favorite hobbies will be mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.

    * She will hate charge cards.

    * Her favorite expression will be, "What can I do for you, Dear?"

    * She will think you have Einstein's brain but look like Mr. America.

    * She will wish you would go out with the boys so that she could get some sewing done.

    * She will love you because you're so sexy.

    * She NEVER gets a "headache"

     

    What He Usually Gets:

     

    * She speaks 140 words a minute, with gusts up to 180.

    * She was once a model... for a totem pole.

    * Where there's smoke, there she is -- cooking.

    * She's a light eater...once it gets light, she starts eating.

    * She lets you know you only have two faults: everything you do, and everything you say.

    * No matter what she does with it, her hair looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory.

    * If you get lost, open your wallet and she'll find you.

    * She has a chronic "headache" 364 days a year.

    Mexican Bungee

    in Humor - Spartan Jokes

    Posted

    Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

    The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

    They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

    The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.

    This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

    Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

    The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"IPB Image

×
×
  • Create New...