Kiwi~SPARTA~

BEDTIME PRAYER FOR WOMEN.. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep. One who's handsome, smart and strong, One whose willy is thick and long. One who thinks before he speaks, When he promises to call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash he won't be annoyed. One who pulls out my chair & opens my door, massages my back & begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind. Knows just what to say when I ask, "How big is my behind? One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin', in the hall, the pool, the garden and kitchen! I pray that this man will love me to no end, And never attempts to shag my best friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the Shit Head you sent me instead!!! Amen

Why God Created Eve 1. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 2. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 3. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 4. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist's or haircut appointment by himself. 5. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 6. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 7. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 8. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 9. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." 10. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that." And God created woman and she had three breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?" She replied, "Yes, could get rid of this middle breast?" And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding that third breast in her hand, "What can be done with this useless boob?" And God created man. Men are like snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

You have to understand Durka, women are never happy unless they have something to moan about. Why aren't they at home getting dinner ready for their men.

I hope they did iron it, with him still in it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFnQJAx8UKw...ted&search=

I'm dreading questions like this. http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/an...utt-plug-p1.php

I think this video says it all about guys. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx_06q9Ezhg...ted&search=

http://www.boreme.com/boremerigid/funny-20...proposal-p1.php

How did you get the picture of who you are on the site. When I copied & pasted the link it didn't work. Apparently I'm an assassin.

But Durka, it's got Postal's eyes & your nade throwing arm.

I want this t-shirt. Check the hat out though.

Nicely put Zeno. Always the diplomatic one.

Knowing what to do with it don't matter if the size ain't right.

The top one I liked, a good one to make the kids watch when they're naughty. The bottom one, you've got way too much time on your hands.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.! How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it - once. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Oh God, I've just drooled on my mic.

I'm liking that Snowshoe.(Lose the trousers though) Thankyou. I've got us something special for halloween.

I gave him more than a slap.

I have to agree with Hellwalker. Unfortunately mate that joke was in poor taste.